I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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