please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
