let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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