I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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