how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
