someone owes me an orgasm
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
