She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
