she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
