There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
