I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
