I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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