Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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