I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
