We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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