Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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