why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
