They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you had me at cake vodka
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
