And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
