i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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