that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
