Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
