I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
