R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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