If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
