I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
