There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
