hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
