We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
