Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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