you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
