i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
