I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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