Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
