i was born a porn star she said
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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