Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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