So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
