You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
