we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
