Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
