when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
