hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
