it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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