Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
