so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
