we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
