All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
