I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
