After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
