well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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