literally had 100 drinks last night.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
